1 large eggplant
2 T honey
2 T olive oil
2 T balsamic vinegar
2 cloves of garlic, minced or grated
Salt and pepper to taste

Cut the stem end off the eggplant. Peel stripes of skin off the long way, so that the eggplant has alternating stripes of purple skin and green flesh. Then lay it on a cutting board and cut it into half-inch slices.

Combine the oil, vinegar, honey, and garlic in a large zip-lock bag and marinate the eggplant for 10 or 15 minutes.

Grill the slices on an oiled, medium-hot grill until they are soft and brown. You can brush additional marinade on while the slices are cooking, but it will cause flame-ups.

Season with salt and pepper.

We were hungry for lunch this morning while out running errands in Beaufort. Imagining a nice plate of something with a lot of broccoli, I suggested Chinese food. We had tried Taste of China and found it to be OK, but very Americanized Chinese. So we decided to try something different, Dragon King, located in a strip mall on US 70.

Over the counter was an illuminated photo menu, and the food in the photos looked appetizing. I’ve seen this sort of display before, and the food that is served never looks as good as the photos. I’ve always assumed that was just because the food we  eat is not “styled.”

But I had an epiphany as I sat at the table, waiting for my broccoli shrimp. “I’ve just realized that those are stock photos. I bet they use the same ones in all these Chinese restaurants.” We studied the photos for a bit, thinking to look more closely the next time we go to a different Chinese restaurant.

Our hot-and-sour soup was brought out by a very small boy, probably about 8 years old, who carried them from the kitchen one at a time. He made a face at me and deliberately placed both bowls of soup in front of Barry. The soup was neither hot nor sour, and the fried noodles served with it were stale.

As we ate our soup, a TV above our heads was blasting a brain-numbing infomercial for the Total Gym. Someone had turned it on for our benefit. I wondered if they received a commission on every Total Gym sold to a customer.

Finally, after about 20 minutes of the Total Gym commercial, our entrees arrived. The little boy brought Barry his General Tso’s Chicken. This explained the wait — it looked as thought they’d gone out and gotten him an order of Chicken McNuggets, brought it back, and doused it in a mixture of catsup and corn syrup. It was garnished with two perfectly-steamed, bright green broccoli spears.

Then the woman brought my broccoli shrimp. A disgusting mass stared up at me, a pile of olive-colored mush and four shrimp swimming in a salty brown liquid. You’d have to dig awfully deep in the garbage to find broccoli in that state of decomposition. I stared enviously at Barry’s plate — not the Chicken McNuggets, but those two broccoli spears, the only edible food on either plate.

I have eaten a lot of mediocre food in restaurants, but this was the worst food I’ve ever been served. Worse even than the “chicken breast sandwich” at Roland’s Barbecue, where they stuck a fried chicken breast, bones and all, between the unadorned halves of a white pasty hamburger bun. That was merely strange. This was criminal abuse of a vegetable. And four rubbery shrimp who died in vain.

I was both hungry and distraught when we left. A real treat was in order, something to erase the memory of the awful broccoli. A few minutes later, I was sitting in  a comfy rocking chair on the front porch of Parson’s General Store in Morehead City, eating a scoop of cherry ice cream. In hindsight, I wish I’d skipped lunch entirely. Then I could have had TWO scoops.

This is a modification of my infamous Lucky Butterscotch Brownie recipe. In addition to the ingredients and the pan, all you need is one large bowl, a teaspoon, a 1/4-cup measure, and a heavy spoon for stirring it up. And a cooperative person nearby to lick the bowl and taste the first cookie.

1 stick butter (1/4 lb), softened
1/2 C brown sugar
1/2 C sugar
1 large egg
1 t vanilla
1/2 t salt
3/4 C flour
1 t baking powder
About 6 oz chocolate chunks or chips

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease and flour an 8×8 square pan.

In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugars. Beat in the egg, mixing well, and the vanilla.

Dump the flour over the top and then sprinkle the baking powder over it. Stir the whole thing together (this technique seems to work to avoid making another bowl dirty for combining the dry ingredients). Mix in the chocolate chips.

Spread the mixture in the pan and bake for 25 minutes. It will initially rise, then flatten. Cut while warm with a plastic knife.

Makes 16 cookies.

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease an 8-inch square pan. Combine the flour, cocoa, and salt in a small bowl. In a large mixing bowl, cream together the butter, sugar, and brown sugar. Add 2 of the eggs (reserving one), beating well, then add the vanilla. Gradually beat in the flour and cocoa mixture.

Measure out 3/4 C of the batter and set aside. Spread remaining batter in the pan and sprinkle with nuts and white chocolate chips. Drizzle the caramel over this. Beat the remaining egg into the reserved batter and stir the chocolate chips into this mixture. Spread over the brownies and caramel topping in the pan and bake for 30 to 35 minutes.

Makes 16 brownies.

This makes two small servings. I’ll probably double it next time.

8 oz firm tofu, crumbled (I use Mori-Nu, because it doesn’t need refrigeration)
1 T nutritional yeast
2-3 t tamari
To taste: Curry powder, cumin, turmeric, smoked paprika, powdered chipotle pepper
1 T olive oil
1 small onion, diced fine
1/2 green pepper, diced fine
3 cloves garlic, minced
Black and white sesame seeds and coconut, to garnish

Mix the tofu with the nutritional yeast, tamari, and spices in a bowl. Meanwhile, saute the onion and pepper in the olive oil until soft. Add the garlic and tofu and cook until tofu begins to brown.

Serve garnished with plenty of coconut and sesame seeds.

Whether this is a real holiday or a bogus one, it gives me a chance to write about two of my favorite foods and two of my favorite people.

If you are from overseas, you find American peanut butter “ghastly,” to quote British writer Annie Hill. It’s gooey and sticky and full of sugar and hydrogenated oils and artificial-sounding ingredients. That’s about 98% of the American peanut butter market, and I find it ghastly, too.

But there’s another kind. In some stores, you walk up to a machine that holds raw peanuts in the top. You put your container under the spigot, push a button, and simple ground peanut paste comes out.

We don’t have a place like that around here, so we buy natural peanut butter in jars. The ingredient list is simply “peanuts, salt.” It’s less convenient than the “ghastly” stuff, because  the nut butter separates from the oil. When you get it home, you have to stir it, or shake it, or do something to mix it back up again.

And then there’s the jelly. There are two kinds of jelly, too. There’s the cheap stuff, full of high-fructose corn syrup and food coloring and a tiny bit of fruit for texture. And there’s the good stuff: Homemade.

In the early 90’s, Barry and I had the good fortune to live with writer Elizabeth Bolton, known to us as Barbie, at Hill Farm, outside Portland, Oregon. Barbie was constantly whipping up batches of jam based on whatever ingredients came her way. A free crate of kiwis? Kiwi jam. Blackberries everywhere? Blackberry jam. Plums, pears, apples, blueberries — each represented another batch of jam to spread on Barbie’s mouth-watering homemade bread. Elderberry jelly was her specialty.

A few years after she passed away, we visited Hill Farm. In the pantry, tears came to my eyes as I saw the rows and rows of jam jars, some with the custom logo I’d designed and her distinctive handwriting. Even though she was gone, she was still feeding us.

Barbie’s jam-making skill was passed along to her son, Michael, who lives in Southern California. He and his family make a special jam, too — burnt kumquat, from fruit grown on their property. Barry and I have one jar left, and it’s so special, we’re saving it until Flutterby is launched. That jar is more important than champagne, and we’ll probably have to write a special christening ceremony for the boat that includes a bite of it for Neptune.

Michael planted an elderberry bush a few years ago, and it recently bore enough fruit for jam. So he did a very special thing. He made up a batch of jelly, and into it, he put a spoonful of jelly from one of his mother’s jars. He plans to use her jelly until it’s all gone, and then, he’ll seed each batch with a spoonful from one of his jars. So there will always be a tiny amount of Barbie’s jelly in every one of his jars of deep purple elderberry jelly.

We have her homemade bread recipe, so we can even make the correct substrate for it. Barbie’s been gone for over 10 years now, but she’ll always be feeding us, thanks to Michael and his homemade jelly. Yum.

Here are a couple of fun things to do with peanut butter and jelly: 1) Take a whole wheat tortilla and spread it with peanut butter and jelly. Peel a nice, ripe banana that’s the same length as the diameter of the tortilla. Roll the tortilla around the banana and enjoy. 2) Make a PB&J on bread. Then grill it until the bread is browned and crisp in butter in a skillet or on a griddle. According to the folks at Graceland, this was one of Elvis Presley’s favorite foods.

Easter’s right around the corner, too. Don’t forget about Barbie’s Goldenrod Eggs, to use up those extra hard-boiled, colored eggs.

My thanks to the Hummus Blog for the detailed recipe and illustrations on charring the eggplant.

1 medium eggplant
1/3 C tahini
2 T lemon juice
Salt and pepper to taste
Pita bread, crackers, or vegetables to scoop it up

In order to develop the real, complex flavor, you have to char the eggplant. There are several ways to do this:

On a gas stove burner
On an outdoor grill
With a propane torch

I used the gas stove burner. I put some foil around the burner to keep the mess to a minimum, fired up the burner, and then placed the whole, uncut eggplant directly on top of it. Using a pair of tongs and a spatula, I turned the eggplant every few minutes for about 10 minutes. The whole thing became black. Meanwhile, it was getting soft and cooked inside. When it was totally black and soft, I removed it to a bowl for about 20 minutes.

I came back, drained off the liquid, and using a combination of peeling and scooping, removed the insides to a cutting board. I chopped this with a knife, dumped it into a bowl, and stirred in the remaining ingredients. After that, I had to stop myself from eating it with a spoon.

Charring the eggplant over an open flame gives it a rich, complex smoky flavor. It is superior to just roasting it, and chopping the eggplant instead of putting it through a blender also gives a more sophisticed, artisanal result.

It’s good on eggs, too.

It was originally inspired by a South Beach Chicken Mole recipe, but I like this name better…as in, “Holy frijole mole, Batman, this stuff is dynamite!”

1 large onion, chopped
1 large bell pepper, seeded and chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 T chili powder
1/2 t cinnamon
1/2 t cloves
14-oz can petite diced or crushed tomatoes
2-1/2 C cooked red, pinto, or black beans
2 T unsweetened peanut butter
2 T Hershey’s Special Dark cocoa powder
Cayenne pepper or dried chipotle, to taste
Salt to taste
2 scallions, chopped
Handful of cilantro leaves

In a large skillet, saute the onion and bell pepper in the oil until the onion is translucent. Add the garlic, chili powder, cinnamon, and cloves, and cook for a minute. Add the peanut butter, cocoa, tomatoes (do not drain), and beans, and bring to a boil. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes, stirring once in a while. Add pepper and salt, garnish with chopped scallion and cilantro, and serve over brown rice.

1 shot lemon vodka
1/2 shot triple sec
1/2 shot peach schnapps
Splash of amaretto
2 oz pineapple juice

Combine and serve garnished with pineapple.

This would also be good with selzer, for a fizzy version.

1/2 lb salt pork
2 C dried lima beans
5-1/2 C water
2 T vegetable oil
3/4 cup chopped onion
1 clove garlic, minced
1 can (8 oz) tomato sauce
1/4 C molasses
3 T cider vinegar
2 T sweet pickle relish
2 T Worcestershire sauce
2 T chili powder
1 t dry mustard
1/2 t salt

Soak beans in 5 1/2 c. water overnight.  Cut salt pork at 1/4-inch intervals, almost through to the rind and set aside.  Drain beans and reserve water.  In dutch oven, bring drained water to a boil and gradually add beans.  Add salt pork, cover, and simmer 1-1/2 to 2 hours.

Drain beans, reserving liquid.  Remove salt pork and set aside.  Turn beans into a 3-quart casserole or beanpot.  In sauce pan or large skillet, heat oil and saute onion and garlic about 5 minutes.  To reserved bean liquid add water, if necessary, to make 1-1/2 cups.  Stir bean liquid and remaining ingredients into sauteed mixture; heat thoroughly and pour over beans in casserole.

Bend rind of salt pork to form a fan shape and place on top of beans.  Cover and bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 45 minutes.  Uncover and bake an additional 30 minutes or until beans are tender.

Makes 6 servings.

2 T olive oil
1 large onion, large dice
6 cloves of garlic, minced and divided
2 t cumin
1 t salt
Ground black pepper to taste
28-oz can diced tomatoes (do not drain)
2 T tomato paste
1/2 t cayenne pepper
3 quarts fish stock, chicken stock, or water
3/4 pound carrots, cut in thick slices (fat ends first cut in half lengthwise)
1/2 pound parsnips, peeled and sliced
1 can chickpeas, drained
1 C flat leaf parsley leaves
2 lbs fish fillets, cut into 2-inch pieces (choices include halibut, snapper, cod, grouper, or monkfish)

To serve:
3 C whole wheat couscous, cooked with 4-1/2 C water or stock
1 C diced green onion tops
1 C cilantro leaves
Your favorite hot sauce

In a Dutch oven, heat the olive oil and saute the onions for about 5 minutes. Stir in the cumin, salt, black pepper, half the garlic, and the tomatoes and cook for another 10 minutes. Stir in the tomato paste and cayenne, then add the stock or water, carrots, parsnips, and chickpeas. Bring to a simmer and cook for 30 minutes, until the carrots and parsnips are tender and the broth is fragrant.

Season the fish with salt and pepper and add it, along with the parsley and the remaining garlic to the stew. Cook gently for 5 to 10 minutes, until the fish is opaque and flakes when poked with a fork.

To serve: Put a generous scoop of couscous in a wide soup bowl and top with the stew. Sprinkle with green onions and cilantro and serve with hot sauce.

1-1/2 oz diced salt pork
1 onion, coarsely chopped
1/2 large green pepper, coarsely chopped
1/2 C dried black-eyed peas
1 C water
4 cloves garlic, chopped
1 C cooked brown rice

In a pressure cooker, cook the salt pork to render out some of the fat, then throw in the onion and pepper and cook briefly. Add the peas and water, lock the pressure cooker lid, and cook for 14 minutes. Remove from heat and let stand until pressure releases naturally, about 10 minutes.

Open the cooker and stir in the garlic and the rice. Serve with hot sauce.

1 large tart apple (such as a Granny Smith)
4 T fresh thyme or lemon thyme
1 T lemon juice
2 C flour
3/4 C sugar + 1 T, divided
1-1/2 t baking powder
3/4 t baking soda
3/4 t cinnamon
1/2 t nutmeg
1/4 t salt
2 eggs
1/3 C oil
1/4 C orange juice
1 t vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 F. Coat an 8×8 pan with Pam spray and lightly flour it.

Peel, and core the apple. Cut into 1/2-inch dice and combine with the thyme and lemon juice.

In another bowl, combine the flour, 3/4 C sugar, baking powder, baking soda, cinamon, nutmeg, and salt.

In a large bowl, beat the eggs with the oil, orange juice, and vanilla. Add the apple mixture to this. Then add the dry ingredients, stirring to combine. Spread the batter in the pan and sprinkle with 1 T of sugar. Bake for about 30 minutes.

Combine cocoa, sugar and oil. Beat in eggs and vanilla. In a second bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and salt. Stir the dry ingredients into the cocoa mixture. Chill dough for a few hours until firm.

Preheat oven to 350 F. Make small balls and roll each one in powdered sugar. Place on greased cookie sheets and flatten slightly. Bake for about 10 minutes. Allow to cool a bit before transferring them from the cookie sheets to a wire rack.

In Goldsboro, North Carolina, Dan introduced us to his favorite barbecue joint, Wilbur’s. We sat down in the cavernous dining room, and the waitress put a basket of hush puppies in front of us, even before we’d ordered. It’s kind of like the tortilla chips you get at a Mexican restaurant.

I’d forgotten my glasses that night, as usual, and I was sure I was misreading the menu. How could they sell a barbecue plate for less than $5?

In the time since then, we’ve gone out of our way to avoid tourist traps, and we’ve found a lot of down-home North Carolina restaurants. I’m always amazed at three things: The hush puppies, the number of fried things on the menu, and the prices. You can stuff yourself silly, always for less than $10.

My problem with the hush puppies goes back to childhood, when I learned to associate them with seafood. As a result, I think of hush puppies as something you put cocktail  or tartar sauce on. But in North Carolina, they’re considered the bread course, served with butter. To me, putting butter on a hush puppy to me is like putting butter on a piece of fried fish!

Here are some of the cheap, memorable places where we’ve eaten around here:

The Captain’s Table, Morehead City: Located on Route 70, this is a family place where you have to walk through the large smoking section to get to the small non-smoking section. The owner told me he tried it the other way, and lost a lot of customers. This is tobacco country, after all. The food is fried, fast, and cheap, and the service is friendly. I always eat too much (especially on all-you-can-eat oyster night), so I don’t have room for the mouth-watering pies.

Roland’s Barbecue, Beaufort: The barbecue is good, but I’ve had trouble with other menu items. I once ordered the chicken breast sandwich, because it sounded healthy. What I received was a plain white hamburger bun with a fried chicken breast sitting on it. The weird part was that the chicken breast was not boneless! When I asked the lady at the counter if there’d been a mistake, she just gave me a toothless grin and laughed. I guess that means nobody every orders the chicken breast sandwich.

No-Name Pizza, Beaufort: This is the healthiest cheap restaurant in town, with excellent gyros and subs, as well as pizza and Italian dishes. Their hamburgers are enormous! And the tzatziki is so good, I can eat it with a spoon. The only downside is, they don’t serve hush puppies. I bet they’d be good with tzatziki.

Golden Corral, Morehead City: This is not just a restaurant, it’s a (frightening) cultural experience. It’s an all-you-can-eat buffet with hundreds of foods, and you can stuff yourself until you hurt. I know, I’ve done it. The last time we went, our group included people from Switzerland, Australia, Oregon, and Wyoming, all amazed at what North Carolina has to offer in the way of food. But if you can focus on the salad bar and protein foods and not give yourself a stomachache on sweet potato casserole with marshmallows, it’s a good value.

Big John’s, Beaufort: When we moved out of the boat and into the van, cooking became a serious challenge, and we were too tired to drive into town. So we ate at Big John’s at least once a week, because it’s only a mile from the boatyard. If you didn’t know it was there, you would miss it, because it’s actually inside a BP gas station on Highway 101 at Steel Tank Road. Their cheese steak and pepper steak sandwiches are excellent, and they make good pizza, too. It’s probably better for takeout than eat-in, but we didn’t have any place to take it, so we put up with the giggling teenagers who hang out there.

1 yellow or lemon cake mix
1 extra egg
1 large can mandarin oranges
Juice from the can of oranges

Prepare the cake as directed, with the following changes:

Use one more egg than the package calls for
Substitute the juice from the mandarin oranges for the water
Stir the mandarin oranges into the batter

Bake for 40 minutes at 350F in a 9×12 pan.

Frosting

1 small container Cool Whip, thawed
1 small banana pudding
2/3 C crushed pineapple

Do not frost until the cake cools.

In a medium bowl, put the butter and peanut butter and mix with an electric mixer. Gradually mix in the sugar. When it gets too thick, add the milk, one tablespoon at a time, until the sugar is mixed in and the frosting is spreadable. Continue beating for about three minutes.

1 9×12 pan of brownies, baked and cooled (you can use brownie mix from a box, or make a double batch of Party Brownies)
One small batch of peanut butter frosting (or use vanilla buttercream)
3/4 C chopped peanuts
3 C Rice Krispies
1 C peanut butter
12 oz semisweet chocolate chips

Spread the frosting over the brownies, sprinkle with the peanuts, and refrigerate.

Melt the peanut butter and chocolate chips over low heat (or in the microwave), stirring, then pour over the cereal in a large bowl and mix well. Spread over the frosted brownies. Refrigerate for a half hour or until set before cutting.

Makes 24 decadent brownie bars

Sterilize glass canning jars and lids in boiling water. Pack each one full of raw ground beef, making sure there are no air bubbles, but allowing an inch of headspace at the top. Pressure cook for 90 minutes.

To make brine: Boil 2 cups of water and add 1/4 C of non-iodized salt (pickling or kosher salt works fine). Allow to cool.

Sterilize several wide-mouth jars and lids in boiling water. Set on a towel on the counter and allow to cool slightly. Fill each jar with softened butter,  making sure there are no air bubbles. Allow an inch of headspace at the top, and fill with the cooled brine.

When you use the butter, dip out each serving with a clean utensil. Replace the volume used with fresh water to keep the jar full.